I had a little bit of writer’s block this week.
As inane as I will readily admit most of my random musings are throughout any given week, sometimes I go for a stretch where nothing seems like a good basis for a Stupid Question. Sometimes I will go ahead and ask something sincere, but even that recourse failed me this week. I had some ideas stored up, but none of them moved me much.
So I took to Twitter. There my good friend and beloved Ordinary Kyle made a suggestion.
[Brief aside: it is a remarkable thing, this Internet. I have never actually had the pleasure of meeting Kyle, and yet I quite sincerely consider him (and many others associated with this online community) a friend. That he probably thinks of me as a pestering nuisance is beside the point.]
Anyhow, Kyle’s suggestion:
@RussellSaunder1 Cannibalism: Would You? Under What Conditions?
— Kyle Cupp (@kylecupp) May 13, 2014
Now, I had some reservations about this. As I replied to Kyle, talking about the circumstances under which people might consider noshing on each other seemed like it might veer rather dark. And I like my Stupid Questions to be both idiotic and lighthearted.
However, the resulting conversation between Kyle and fellow Ordinary Jason about how they would prefer to prepare and serve their fellow hominids won me over. (Jason would want a nice ketchup to go with it.)
So that’s this week’s Question. I’m going to modify Kyle’s initial suggestion a bit to up the silliness quotient, and make it a given that eating another human being in this bizarre alternate universe is somehow OK, and that you’re doing so for reasons other than sheer desperation and thus have recourse to a well-stocked pantry. How would you serve ’em up? You get to write a new ending to “The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover.” (That movie came out a billion years ago, and it’s so weird you were probably never going to watch it anyway, so spare me complaints about spoilers.) What pages would you lift from “To Serve Man“?