Fantasy Football: Week 3 (and Football Season open thread)

(This is a guest post from our very own Dman!)

Week in Review: Week 3

Thunderlips Express Barely Left the Shark Behind!!!

Thunderlips Express found that no lead is safe this year as coach Dman watched an 81 point lead vanish in the Monday night game. Still, the Holy Cow Trinity of Thomas, Brown, and Marshall was enough for the Express to eek out a five point victory. For coach Burt, seven players were out of sync on the Left and scored, combined, less than Rodgers and Cobb dancing strong on the right. Tu found coach Dman being resuscitated after the close win.

Tu: You almost lost coach.
{Clear!!! bzzzzzzzzz!}
Dman: Aaaaahhh! What happened? Did we lose?
Tu: Sigh, no. You won by five points pulling off the Squeak of the Week coach.
Dman: Wow, I thought I was dead in the water!
{Medic: Grumble.You were until a moment ago.}
Tu: You still may be. You lost your star quarterback and have received no good play from your tight ends. Are you worried going forward?
Dman: I have cheated death once already, I am sure there are good QBs out there for me. I think the question will be, do I go for a veteran or one of the new hot shots.
Tu: I’ll ask the questions Coach. Eh hem. Will you go for a veteran that you know what you will get or try your luck with a young one?
Dman: Was there an echo? Check the waiver wire to find out Tu.

Weak of the Week

Like a bird flying too close to the sun the ProdigalAccipitridae fell to earth this week with a dismal showing. Five players scored less than ten points combined. They also only had two players meet or beat their projections. One might think that coach Team Johnson was Manning the ship for the Vikings better this week but he left two of his top three scorers on the bench and his top three wide receivers were scrubbing the barnacles off the pine as well. Yet despite scoring the second lowest amount, it was enough to beat the lowest score of the week. Tu talked with coach Jaybird after the game.

Tu: Ugly loss coach. What insights do you have for us this week?
Jaybird:I’ll have what he’s having.
{Clear!!! bzzzzzzzzz!}
Jaybird: Brisk! Anyway, what can I say? When you win 33% of the time, you lose 66% of the time. Sometimes 67%.
Tu: Are you considering any revamps of your team at all?
Jaybird: Well, apparently, the NFL in general is moving away from a running game and more to a forward pass kind of game.
Tu: Just now noticing?
Jaybird: I read a blog post about it.
Tu: Of course.
Jaybird: Well, when I was a kid, football was still groggily getting out of the “three things could happen and two of them are bad” era and, well, my “we should get some really good running backs!” strategy isn’t playing off quite as well as I had hoped.
Tu: So you’re going to reconsider the ground game?
Jaybird: Well, three games have happened and two of them were bad.

Freak of the Week

Miss Mary’s Men marched over a mashed and Deflated coach Timothy.The Undeflatermaus puffed up big with the second highest score for the week. They had stellar performance by Mr. Chome on the Dome Steve Smith, but was still blown up by the 207 (yes you heard that right, 207) point performance by The MEN. Miss Mary must have mentioned many miserable moments to her team about last week’s poor performance since she almost tripled her score, and three players, Green, Allen, and Olsen almost tripled their projections.

Bleak of the Week

Could the Partisan bickering finally stop for the Warriors this week. The projections thought so, yet it was all for naught. Gridlock dominated coach Jesse’s team as four players scored above their projections, while five players score below. Thus the nay’s had it and so did the team. The Horsemen galloped to the third highest score for the week on the backs of their own Trinity of Brady, Arizona Def, and Fitzgerald.

The Ouija Board

This week was about experience as Fitzgerald, Smith Sr., Manning, Peterson, and Marshall all had a renaissance to their younger days. Each had better scores than previous weeks and helped their respective teams win.

Thunderlips Express: 9 – 2 aka: The Anointed Ones
ProdigalAccipitridae: 9 – 2
Minnesota Vikings: 5 – 5- 1
Miss Mary’s Men: 5 – 6
Partisan Warriors: 5 – 4 – 2
Undeflatermaus: 5 – 6
Uffington Horsemen: 2 – 9
Return of Left Shark: 2- 8 -1

(Photo is “Rock Dennis tackles Taylor Wardlow” by John McStravick. Used under a Creative Commons License.)


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Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to AskJaybird-at-gmail.com

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3 thoughts on “Fantasy Football: Week 3 (and Football Season open thread)

  1. Excellent. My method of choosing random players I’ve never heard of during the draft and doing nothing since the draft is paying off! Insert evil laughter.

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  2. I was told at work today that last night’s Steelers/Ravens game was the most frustrating in recent memory.

    As it turns out, it wasn’t bad if you had the Steelers Running Back and the Ravens Kicker. But I am also told that that is not the way to approach the game itself.

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