Fantasy Football: Week 4 (and Football Season open thread)

(This is a guest post from our very own Dman!)

Week in Review: Week 4

 

Thunderlips Sucks the Air Out of Undeflatermaus!!!!

The Express posted the second highest total this week and was helped out by coach Timothy deflating his chances with playing two people on bye for the week. Yet this was the lowest total of the season for the Express with only two players beating expectations. Undeflatermaus did not help their cause by leaving their highest scorer on the bench in Jeremy Maclin, yet who expected much from a Chiefs wideout. Tu talked with the victorious coach after the game.

Tu: Coach, how do you feel about another win?
Dman: It feels gooooood. Even on an off week, the team pulled it out.
Tu: Any concern about the lackluster performances from Brown and Taylor?
Dman: I knew there would be a drop off to Brown when he lost Ben. Hopefully the other players will step up.
Tu: Any concern about your tight end position? Every one you put in there seems to get injured.
Dman: How is that my fault?
Tu: Did you hear the player’s union wants you to be banned from playing anyone in the tight end position.
Dman: What?!? They can’t do that! I am looking at a new one right now.
Tu: Whoever you are run away fast or suffer the fate of Cameron, Eberon, and Seferian-Jenkins.
Dman: Grrrrr

 

Weak of the Week

The Left Shark’s ungainly team pulled off the first win of the season with only double digits. This was achieved by having the tight end rocking the donut and five other players under performing. There would have been no help from the bench as four of the six players score zero as well. Yet what a difference a week makes. Miss Mary’s Men became boys as the studs from last week that scored 207 points became duds this week with only 86 points. Still, the win, Doug Martin, was pining away on the bench for a little of Miss Mary’s love. Tu was able to talk to coach Burt after the win.

Tu: Greetings coach, I am Tu Nosi from the Week in Review. Care to–
Burt: –Yeah, I know who you are.
Tu: Did I say something wrong, coach?
Burt: You’re with that Ouija board outfit. You predicted we’d only get three wins this season. Well, we’ve got two already!
Tu: Coach, you intentionally played Vernon Davis, a player you knew was too injured to take the field.
Burt: You remember a year ago when everyone played their players that were on bye and still won? I was doing something kinda like that.
Tu: Weren’t you intimidated by your opponent getting a new league record with more than 200 points last week?
Burt: When you’ve got the Best Quarterback On The Planet™, you’ve always got a chance.
Tu: Even when he scores eight points under his projection, coach?
Burt: Look, Mr. Ouija Reporter, a W’s a W. Now, have I not been interviewed?
Tu: Wow, shades of Richard Sherman here…
Burt: HAVE I NOT BEEN INTERVIEWED!!!!
Tu:
Kind of makes me wish for Coach Jaybird’s Tebow-love back again…

 

 

Peak and Freak of the Week

The rollercoaster season for the ProdigalAccipitridae must be leaving a fowl taste in coach Jaybird’s mouth, but this week it paid off as his team took advantage of the Partisan bickering that is still plaguing the Warriors. What made this more amazing from the high flying ProdigalAccipitridae was that they had two players laying the molden goose eggs and still pulled off the peak of the week. The Warriors had no Luck this week yet again and have fallen to 0-4.

 

Squeak of the Week

Coach Team Johnson was Manning the ship to a win again with barely over one hundred points, yet Uffington Horsed around and left the win on the bench. It was too late to cry over Spillered milk as CJ and Wilson  could only shake their heads on the pine. Speaking of benches. The Vikings had to Hyde their head in shame yet again having three of their top four scorers being barnacles on the bench for another week. Their bench scored more points that the fielded team!

 

The Ouija Board

This was a weak of the nada enchilada as seven players on teams came up with zero points, yet three of the four teams with donut rockers still pulled of the wins. Also the highest score of this week would have been beaten by three teams last week. Still, the Ouija board knows all and is still going strong.

  • Thunderlips Express: 8 – 2   aka: The Anointed Ones
  • ProdigalAccipitridae: 8 – 2
  • Minnesota Vikings: 4 – 5- 1
  • Miss Mary’s Men: 5 – 5
  • Partisan Warriors: 5 – 3 – 2
  • Undeflatermaus: 5 – 5
  • Uffington Horsemen: 2 – 8
  • Return of Left Shark: 1- 8 -1

 


Staff Writer
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Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to AskJaybird-at-gmail.com

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