Daredevil and Elektra Have A Conversation

*Daredevil and Elektra hop out of the darkness after having just fought a whole bunch of ninjas. They land next to a huge hole in the ground.*

“If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that this giant hole in the ground – inexplicably dug by our enemies, thousands of feet deep, hidden somehow in the middle one of Earth’s largest cities – was evidence of something very, very serious,” says Daredevil. “I am but a mortal man and you Elektra are but a mortal woman. This is beyond our capabilities.”

“We should call The Avengers,” says Elektra. “Even if they only sent one of their flunkies to check things out, it would still represent far more ability than we possess between us. After all, our opponents here are capable not only of digging very deep holes, but of resurrecting the dead, an up-to-now unknown achievement in all of human history. We are dealing with a challenge we cannot handle.”

“Okay, yes, but, counterpoint – what if we didn’t call The Avengers? Even though we know about them? Like, even though it was only a few years ago that they literally leveled half of the city fighting alien dudes pouring out of a giant hole in the sky, what if we instead assumed that they wouldn’t be interested in Hell’s Kitchen – have I mentioned that we’re in Hell’s Kitchen, which is the neighborhood I grew up in which is in Manhattan and which hasn’t been gentrified for some reason, which, weird, but anyway – because we’re just a tiny place in the great big world?” says Daredevil.

“Okay, well, we’re not in a tiny place. Hell’s Kitchen is part of a greater whole. It’s frankly ridiculous that you continue to act as though nobody is paying any attention to this place when literally everybody everywhere seems to focus nonstop on what’s happening in Hell’s Kitchen.” says Elektra. “Anyway, surely we should at least try to call them? At least a phone call? Or maybe an email? Do they have a hotline? I bet they do. What’s Hawkeye doing when he’s not being lame? Probably answering phones.”

“But it’s just us, down here in Hell’s Kitchen. Why would the Avengers care about us down here?” Says Daredevil. “Down here in this dusty, forgotten, ignored, unwanted, undesired, barely understood neighborhood?”

“The same dusty, forgotten, ignored, unwanted, undesired, barely understood neighborhood that literally everybody involved in our story has literally being doing everything to control while literally entire news outlets seem to dedicate all of their coverage to us?” says Elektra.

“Yes, that one,” says Daredevil.

“Well, for starters, we’ve been in the news, a lot, somehow. I don’t know why they’re not covering The Avengers constantly, but we keep making the news. Why, just recently, you took down The Kingpin, a criminal mastermind who was involved in a prolonged gun battle that was aired on live television and involved multiple officers dying. That was big news!” says Elektra.

“Okay, but everybody’s probably forgotten about that.” says Daredevil.

“That was like two weeks ago! And, fine, whatever, not that. What about everybody was talking about The Devil Of Hell’s Kitchen? Kinda weird that nobody else has figured out Daredevil, but they’ll get it, I’m sure. Tabloid writers are famous for choosing monikers that are much longer than they are shorter. That’s what they’re paid to do. Write good the language, that’s what tabloid writers do. But anyway, the nonstop focus on you means The Avengers probably have heard of a neighborhood smack dab in the middle of Manhattan. They’d at least hear us out on solving this enormous hole in the ground dug by ninjas who resurrect the dead!” says Elektra.

“They won’t care about that.” says the Daredevil.

“Yeah, but then there’s The Punisher! He has been linked to 37 murders publicly, plus what we know he has been doing behind the scenes. 37 murders! He was just involved in the trial of the century too! And you defended the Punisher sort of, even though you were mostly running around with me doing this, leaving your impossibly annoying friend Foggy to defend The Punisher, but he did a good job, and everybody was watching.”

“He’s not annoying!” says the Daredevil. “Okay, he only kind of annoying. Stop changing the subject.”

“Can I just interject that nobody knew the lawyer defending The Punisher was doubling-up as Daredevil, mostly because everybody assumes you couldn’t possible be the Devil Of Hell’s Kitchen – a name everybody knows because your hijinks are constantly receiving press attention – because you’re blind,” says Elektra, making airquotes around blind. “Did you see what I did there? With the airquotes? Oh, right. Well, I was making airquotes.”

“I heard them.”

“You did?”

“Yes Elektra. I’m blind, not deaf. I can detect literally anything somehow and if you have any questions about these powers of mine work, just maybe go along with it and don’t ask questions. Oh, and I can survive basically anything too! And so can The Punisher! I hit him in the face with a heavy pipe wrench and he just shrugged it off, which was weird, because he’s just a human guy with guns, like his entire power is just routinely going to a gun convention, but for some reason, a pipe wrench to the face barely even slowed him down, but I’ve learned not to ask questions, because of what I can survive. Like getting shot through the shoulder with an arrow from four feet away, and I was also almost shot in the head, and almost night after night after night of hallways fights – you wouldn’t believe how many people want to fight me in hallways, because it is almost everyone, all of the time, like, my phone rings, and I’m like, ‘Hello?’ and somebody’s like, ‘Hey, come fight me in this hallway. I’ll even unscrew some of the lightbulbs if you want, even though it’s 2016 and not 1958 and we actually have wattage now, but if it’ll get you there, I’ll unscrew ‘em.’ and I’m like, ‘Cool, I’m on my way.’ and that’s what I do, all the time – and a whole bunch of other injuries, but it’s fine. I’m fine. And I can hear your airquotes.” says Daredevil.

“And that middle-finger,” says Daredevil.

“All I’m saying is that they’ll at least answer the phone, especially if they know it’s you because you’re constantly being written about, but also because you know about The Punisher, and he’s constantly being written about, and because this is a huge threat to the well-being of New York City, and according to the internet, we all share a universe with one another, and I’ve seen the trailer for Captain America: Civil War, and that doesn’t come out for awhile, so they’ve got some time to come down here and spend six hours fighting a bunch of ninjas that they’ll totally throw into orbit before going to get some street hotdogs, or whatever the after-credits sequence is going to be. Let’s just call ‘em.” says Elektra.

“Nah. Let’s just deal with this massive threat to the city ourselves.” says Daredevil. “They’re probably busy.”

“Okay, fine,” says Elektra.

*Daredevil and Elektra leap off into the darkness, searching for more ninjas*


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11 thoughts on “Daredevil and Elektra Have A Conversation

  1. New comic book series: The Scout.

    She goes where other heroes wouldn’t have! Sometimes she finds places they would have wanted to be if they had known about them! Then she tells them! THEN THEY GO THERE!

    Next week: she checks out the so-called “haunted” Whole Foods. As it turns out, it’s got a problem that Moon Knight will eventually resolve!

    (We made The Scout female. Is that problematic? Should we have added some ethnicity or would that be over the top? Would trans be equally problematic?)

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  2. I’m not quite sure why any of this requires the news not paying attention to Hell’s Kitchen.

    The actual question is: When have the Avengers *ever* fought crime in the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

    People keep making all sorts of weird assumptions based on comic book logic, whereupon all superheroes are somehow interchangeable. The Avengers are *not crime fighters*. They have never fought crime. Someone in the MCU calling them to have them come and fight crime is insane.

    The Avengers have fought off, respectively, two invasions of the planet (One by aliens, one by an AI). Individually, Iron Man has fought people trying to murder him, and terrorists who also tried to murder him(1)…and Captain America has fought Hydra. That’s it. (Or, at least, all anyone knows about.)

    It’s rather akin to asking why someone who saw a hit-and-run doesn’t call the National Guard. Or Chesley Sullenberger III. What the hell do those people have to do with anything?

    If you see Hydra, sure, you could call Captain America…or, actually, you call the US government, because Captain America is probably unlisted. If you see other terrorists…you call the police.

    If you see someone running around raising the dead in the MCU, the correct people to call would be SHIELD…who do not (officially) exist anymore. So, failing that, call the freaking police.

    That’s the real question, why the immediate response isn’t for Matt to get Foggy to call the FBI and/or the local police and say ‘I have recently become aware of someone who was trespassing inside that building and discovered a huge hold in the ground, which was weird enough he told me. He also said some very odd things seemed to be happening there. While I cannot name him for obvious reasons, he is usually reliable, and I believe him. My firm has checked building permits, and there appears to be no permit for anything like that. The entire situation seems extremely odd, odd enough that the person I am talking about is risking his freedom by having me contact you, so I would appreciate it if someone looked into it.’ (The implication being that it’s one of the firm’s *client*, not Matt, but legally, everything said there was true.)

    That said…the *last* time DD tried to involve the police in anything (The entire thing with the Kingpin), he got a large amount of them killed, so it’s possible he’s trying to not send them into a deadtrap.

    1) Come to think of it, the only battles we’ve seen Tony Stark in that *weren’t* him responding to a threat to himself were Avengers-related. And Bruce Banner, I guess, but he’s made it clear he doesn’t think he’s a hero at all. Thor’s fights tend to be ‘personal’, in the sense they’re to do wit his family, but they usually aren’t threats to *him*, and everyone else is connected-ish to SHIELD and trying to fix injustice.

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    • On the one hand, sure, whatever. Captain America isn’t available to throw his shields at ninjas because he’s throwing them at Nazis. Okay.

      On the other hand, no, because what Daredevil asks us as the audience to believe is that there is literally a world-threatening situation being undertaken several blocks away from some of the most powerful beings in the entire universe – literally, several blocks, and literally, entire universe – and that it doesn’t even occur on these characters to even mention the possibility of trying to get their attention with it.

      I get that the comic book’s fans are entirely cool with the idea that Daredevil fights street-level crime – although The Hand’s plot seems like something much, much bigger than street-level crime – but I’m not one of the comic book’s fans. I’m watching a show. And the show frequently asks me to simultaneously take it seriously without thinking too hard about it. That isn’t my jam.

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      • On the one hand, sure, whatever. Captain America isn’t available to throw his shields at ninjas because he’s throwing them at Nazis. Okay.

        No, Captain America isn’t available to throw his shields at ninjas in the same way that NATO peacekeepers aren’t available to shoot their guns at ninjas. I.e., it’s *something they don’t do*. They have never done it. You cannot call them up and ask them do to do it.

        It’s the assumption that Captain America should be involved *at all* that is the weird one.

        Of course, there is some weird, hypothetical way that he should be involved: In the comics universe, the Hand originally caused the founding of Hydra, in Japan, during WWII, before the Nazis ran off with it. This is probably not what happened in the MCU, if only because, thanks to Agents of SHIELD, we know that Hydra there was founded by a *different* cult, the worshipers of Hive!

        The two groups still could have worked together over the years, like in the comics, but it seems somewhat less likely if Hydra didn’t start with a connection…and obviously DD has no idea if they did or not.

        Also…technically, Captain America lives in DC, not New York. Or, at least, he did.

        On the other hand, no, because what Daredevil asks us as the audience to believe is that there is literally a world-threatening situation

        Although the Hand generally doesn’t seem to be a good thing for the world at large, nothing they are actually *doing* seems to be world-threatening, or even hundreds-of-people-threatening.

        They’re an organized-crime/cult, with the ability to bring people back to life by draining blood from others. (Which is *magic*, and their access to magic should be rather worrying, but I think DD thinks it’s some purely technological thing.)

        They stab anyone who gets in their way, they kidnap children for their raising-the-dead machine, and then later on kidnap a bunch of people to set a trap for DD.

        That’s it. That’s all they do. I mean, they’re obviously *villains*, but they aren’t going to end the world. They don’t seem to have any capacity, nor does that seem to be their end goal. (And, assuming this is anything like the comics, it’s *not* their end goal, which is purely to amass power.)

        Oh, and they also dig giant holes in the middle of Manhattan for no obvious reason, which DD really needs to remember to call the police about! (We still don’t know the point of that, but it’s the entire reason they were in New York to start with, even back in season 1. Well, plus trying to grab Electra.)

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