Food Liberalism & The Death of the Pancake

It has been brought to my attention recently that the youth of this great nation has been seen slipping further and further into a state of moral decay. At first I chose not to believe such accusations, but on second observance I started to see why the older generation might think such things. Whereas youthful wonderment and curiosity is good for a society as a whole, there indeed can be too much of it: when traditions are so radically challenged that the previous generation can sit idly by no longer. They must fight back with a deep and true ferociousness.

So naturally at this point one may be justified in asking “for what new event or circumstance has warranted this geriatric resistance?” The answer, most surprisingly yet surely understandable, is what I would vaguely describe as a newfound food liberalism. Where one generation has honored traditions, the generation at hand is whimsical, unorthodox, and living in a fantasy world that may be likened to a saloon, gaining the reputation of “anything goes” over the years. But anything does not go. It shan’t go.

Granted I am writing this in the heat of the moment. Here I sit after returning from a breakfast with friends (I do not think we shall be called that in the future for reasons that will soon become clear) hammering away with ink and quill at my frustrations. Of all the things that transpired this fine morning, the debates, the politics, and the general town gossip, none set me off like the spread of food stuffs that was lain before me.

My hosts were a younger, newly intertwined couple. This is not about them per se, but it is about said meal; an assortment of foods. “Did you make any pancakes?” I asked eagerly as a plate of food was put under my nose. “Of course, they’re on your plate,” my generous host replied.

But they weren’t. All that lay on my plate was a couple strips of bacon, some eggs, and disc shaped bread with dots of other foods (or so it looked like) crudely jammed at will into the surface of them. As I pondered the flaw in my host’s thinking that “they were on my plate already,” I wondered if I, for a second, had gone mad. “Are they indeed on my plate?” I shoveled around some foods for a second, lifting the disc shaped monstrosity with my fork to see if the pancakes were hiding underneath. Oh, what a joy it would have been to find pancakes there!

“I’m terribly sorry to ask, but I’m afraid I didn’t receive any pancakes,” I said out loud soon after realizing I had done the requisite pondering and physical searching to render me sane. “Sure you do! Those are pancakes with chocolate chips in them. Some of them have blueberries too!” A lump gathered in my throat and I immediately lost my appetite, for these “discs” were the pancakes.

There’s a place for conservatism in most places and this should be most readily, and most necessarily, applied to breakfast spreads. Nothing was wrong in the great history of breakfast spreads—pancakes, eggs, bacon, ham, biscuits, gravy, etc.—to warrant such a radical change as blueberries being jammed into the pancakes. I say again, no one was complaining. But this generation’s moral apathy is truly shining through: rebellion for the sake of rebellion and change for the sake of boredom seem to be the only thing on the menu. When pressed about “why” these pancakes were so physically assaulted, the answer isn’t because the previous pancakes were bad; indeed, most everyone likes the original pancake. It is likened to that “spicing things up” or the “I don’t know; because!” attitude of youngsters.

Food liberalism is only the beginning. Change for the sake of mere change or boredom is a dangerous game. As the breakfast table before me as my witness, some things are fine, nay great, the way they are, and I will never again be subject to the whimsical morality of this generation’s willy-nilly need to put “stuff” in my pancakes.


Staff Writer

Life is like one of those sand art thingies that gets destroyed after it's completed.

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145 thoughts on “Food Liberalism & The Death of the Pancake

  1. Meh. Have you seen how many recipes there are for spicing up beans?
    Ooodles and oodles and oodles of them.

    A pot of good fresh plump beans is a treasure that doesn’t need spicing up — just a splash of oil and plenty of salt.

    Of course, good luck finding fresh beans up North, they’re a homegrown delicacy.

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  2. If you go to Maine, blueberries are traditional, which just futher proves that New England is always First in Liberalism.

    I’m not too upset over pancakes. Mess with my biscuits and someone is going to get hurt.

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            • RTod:
              There is no way you eat pancakes with chocolate. Dude, isn’t your entire diet lean meat veggies and protein powder?

              Ha! Well, I was running something resembling a Paleo diet for a while, but once I found myself getting more and more into old school bodybuilding workouts, my diet had to change alongside it. Doing hypertrophy workouts in a glycogen-depleted state sucks, even in a caffeinated state.

              On training days, my macros are approximately 35% protein, 45% carbs and 20% fat. Most of them I consume between dinner and post workout (I work out at night). My food choices most of the time – small amount of fruit, a small sweet potato and oatmeal, which I have with dinner, pre and post workout meals.

              As far as my liking chocolate chip pancakes, my son likes them so I make them, and if he has any leftover, I’m not shy about taking a small bite or two. I don’t eat them as a regular meal.

              That said, don’t think I haven’t thought about substituting one of my oatmeal meals for some uncooked pancake batter. I don’t think it would be as filling and I don’t care for the added sugars.

              I’ll not be intimidated by your musculature! You are obviously 12!

              To be fair, considering that I’m 5’5″, I have to admit that there are 12 year olds taller than I am. I can’t say I like it either!!!

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                • Low intensity steady state cardio is manageable. It may be one of the few things that can be done reasonably well in that state without hitting a wall.

                  I experimented with a protein sparing modified fast last year, and other than low volume maintenance lifting, walking on a stairmaster or inclined treadmill walking was one of the few things that didn’t make me feel like crap and burned a fair amount of calories.

                  Disclaimer: I don’t recommend anyone try what I tried.

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  3. EVERYONE BOW DOWN TO MY FIAT.

    French Toast Panettone.

    It rocks. Plain and simple. (mixing a little almond extract with the egg wash makes it ever more rockin’.)

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  4. I am OK with blueberries, but I am willing to forge a coalition with the anti-blueberry ranks if they will join me in my efforts to stamp out the scourge of beets from our society.

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      • The best way to cook beets: Boil pasta, and then drain off the water into a pot. Cook the beets in the used water. Throw the water and beets away, eat the pasta.

        Another recipe: Take the beet juice and use it to draw on the boxes of microwave dinners. Then take the dinners out of the box, microwave them according to instructions, and eat them.

        An old folk recipe, requires some good aim: Take some uncooked beets and a sling into the woods. Use the beets to hunt a wild turkey. Eat the turkey.

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    • Beets are awesome. Roast them up until they are soft, peel the skin off, eat them plain. Red, candy striped, or gold, don’t care, love them all.

      Also good pickled, or in a salad with gorgonzola.

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    • I am OK with blueberries, but I am willing to forge a coalition with the anti-blueberry ranks if they will join me in my efforts to stamp out the scourge of beets from our society.

      This.

      I keep telling people, when I see them purchasing beets, that their heart is in the right place of getting that off the store shelves so others will not accidentally think it is food and serve it to people, but that is simply not how the market works. If people would simply *stop buying* beets, that poison would eventually be removed from store shelves. (Well, or the FDA will eventually get off their asses and sue the beet producers for the various lies they tell the public, such as beets being ‘edible’.)

      And a lot of the time, when people buy beets to dispose of, the beets accidentally end up in the pantries anyway, where they can be accidentally given to people as if they are food. I help by throwing them them out whenever I see them, but there is only so much I can do.

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  5. I suppose I can put my pancake radicalism aside and get on board with this.

    I was at the gym the other day, and my friend was drinking a Beet-infused pre-workout. It’s natural so it’s cool. It’s what cavemen drank before they would fist-fight woolly mammoths.

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  6. As I’ve written before, pancakes suck. But the very sucky IHOP chain has been selling a variety of pancakes for at least two decades.

    More importantly, food experimentation is a wonderful thing and should be embraced. It will undoubtedly yield failed outcomes, but the process is the only reason we aren’t still eating rocks (fact… look it up).

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  7. Just so ya know, Jan 28 is National Blueberry Day.

    Blueberries resisted domestication. The first commercially grown blueberries were sold in NJ in 1916, exactly 100 years ago!!!!! and “blueberry fever” swept the region. I’m guessing people in the NE were putting blueberries in pretty much everything, pretty much right away.

    So does 100 years represent a recent challenge to tradition, or tradition itself. Perhaps that’s how we should define liberalism/conservatism.

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  8. This whole post is misguided. And UnAmerican. The pan cake – so-called in honor of the long-honored Greek god of blueberries and chocolate chips, much loved by real Americans – has been associated with flighty experimentation in US artesinal food stuffs throughout history. Lincoln’s wife Mary was famous for purchasing expensive Illinoisian berries (expensive because they were illegally imported from the South) for inclusion in Abe’s cakes during meetings with foreign dignitaries, including those from faraway places like the Confederacy. Jefferson’s notes reveal a cotton-based pan cake recipe which included fibers from naturally grown non-GMO “hemp” sprinkled with hand-picked mushrooms fried in butter. The historical record mentions this dish being served only once at an official function tho TJ’s head chef claims the meal was served daily as a form of both mental and physical sustenance. Andrew Carnegie is purported to have created an iron-ore-based pan cake served with yogurt and strawberries which John Rockefeller purchased for $432 million dollars. The list goes on and on.

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  9. A great deal of this discussion reminds me (pleasantly) of Rex Stout’s Too Many Cooks and Nero Wolfe’s lecture “Contributions Américaines à la Haute Cuisine”, asserting the subtle superiority of American poultry that has been regularly fed fresh blueberries over anything available in Europe.

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  10. I don’t really know what this post is about it, but it should most definitely be called “Food Progressivism…”

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  11. Great writing style and tone, very enticing!

    I think you are right, society is changing. Everyone should have popcorn for breakfast, for goodness sake! Or, something of the sort.

    Ha, jokes.

    Keep up the great work, you are truly a great writer,
    Natasha

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