Sunday!

Every year, Hollywood tries to outdo what it did last year and, once in a blue moon, they do.

It looks like this coming summer will be no exception.

The Blockbuster season officially kicked off with The F8 Of The Furious and they asked the question of whether it was possible to put Jason Statham into a Furious movie. As it turned out, it *IS* possible.

I don’t know for sure but I’m guessing that the next one in the franchise will be called “Is This The Last Fast And Furious Movie? Nein.”

The next big one to come out is Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Chris Pratt is Burt Macklin: Star Lord. Marvel is exceptionally competent when it comes to this sort of thing and so I rather imagine that it will be an excellent popcorn movie that will evoke all kinds of laughter and good natured feelings of nostalgia and I will forget everything about the movie by the time I walk out to the car. (What do I remember about the first one, I ask myself… um… the music was good? Oh! There was a dance off! That was funny!)

Alien: Covenant is going to continue the whole “Alien” thing. We’ll get some good old-fashioned body horror. We’ll get some good old fashioned jump scares. We’ll also get some “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?” moments as we stand up and yell at the screen when one of the characters starts to do something that, seriously, nobody with half a brain would ever even consider doing and especially not after giving us 3 minutes of backstory about how this person is the greatest scientist on the planet and the team was lucky to get him.

Pirates of the Caribbean has a sequel? Again? Well, Johnny Depp is Johnny Depp, I guess. Looks like Geoffrey Rush is in it too, again. I like him.

Captain Underpants! This movie is not yet a sequel. (I imagine that this one will be huge for the tween set.)

Wonder Woman is one of the first major forays into Superhero Movie With Female Protagonist. However, it’s also a DC movie and they haven’t demonstrated that they understand the characters they’re working with nor have they demonstrated that they understand what a story is. Fingers are crossed.

The Mummy is Universal Studios returning to the old 50’s monster movie template… this could be really interesting. Tom Cruise is in it and he’s demonstrated an uncanny ability to pick decent scripts. Technically falls into the category of Sequel/Remake but if you remake a movie that is more than 50 years old, I think that that gets you a bit of a pass.

Cars 3 is the third movie starring Cars. This will probably make one jillion dollars.

Transformers: The Last Knight continues the continuing Transformers story and Michael Bay directs. This movie will probably make two jillion dollars.

And June closes out with Despicable Me 3.

It’s fixing up to be a crazy summer.

So… what are you reading and/or watching?


Staff Writer
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Jaybird is Birdmojo on Xbox Live and Jaybirdmojo on Playstation's network. He's been playing consoles since the Atari 2600 and it was Zork that taught him how to touch-type. If you've got a song for Wednesday, a commercial for Saturday, a recommendation for Tuesday, an essay for Monday, or, heck, just a handful a questions, fire off an email to AskJaybird-at-gmail.com

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12 thoughts on “Sunday!

  1. I actually managed to obtain an advanced copy of the plot of “Is This The Last Fast And Furious Movie? Nein.” staring Ed Sheeran and Emma Stone:

    In Long Beach, California, 16-year old twin brothers Jace and Blaze Barker race their souped-up Toyota Camry’s to win the affections of their little sister Britney’s friend Cindy. When Jace runs a red light to catch up with Blaze, suddenly Jace is cut off by someone going to work who is not driving a souped-up Toyota Camry. Jace accidentally bumps Blaze. The two cars spiral out of control, and Blaze’s car wraps around a telephone poll. He remains in critical condition at Los Angeles County Hospital, where a recent repeal of the Affordable Care Act calls into question whether or not his ICU stay will be covered by insurance. Devastated, and blaming himself, Jace vows to make it up to his twin.

    With the police getting interested in the case, Jace hears about a race in Germany with a prize in bitcoin that would be enough to cover Blaze’s hospital bills. The only catch – the race is run by street-racing neo-Nazi computer hackers. While in Germany, Jace befriends Beans, a lovable American expat who is into street racing. Beans explains to Jace that he may talk the talk of the neo-Nazis, but he doesn’t really walk the walk and that he’s really just there for the racing. Beans introduces Jace to Wolfgang, the swastika-tattooed leader of the street-racing neo-Nazi computer hackers, along with Wolfgang’s girlfriend, Eva.

    Jace tells Wolfgang that he is from a group of street-racing neo-Nazi computer hackers based in Los Angeles, but Wolfgang is suspicious and instructs the henchman computer hacker Hans to investigate Jace’s past. Hans learns that Jace is not actually a neo-Nazi hacker, but he also learns about Jace’s motivations to save his brother Blaze. Wolfgang agrees to help Jace build the most souped-up Volkswagon that has ever been created – on one condition: Jace must join the international brotherhood of street-racing neo-Nazi computer hackers.

    Jace struggles with the decision he has to make, but news arrives from home that Jace’s twin brother Blaze’s condition is deteriorating. Jace decides to take Wolfgang up on his offer, but immediately before the indoctrination ceremony, Jace witnesses Wolfgang strike Eva in the face. Jace steals Wolfgang’s souped-up Audi along with Eva and heads to the autobahn with a fleet of souped-up silver BMWs with tinted windows driven by Wolfgang’s henchmen and members of the street racing neo-Nazi computer hacker international brotherhood in pursuit. One by one, Jace outmaneuvers the silver BMWs, only for Wolfgang to arrive on the scene in a souped-up yellow BMW with swastikas painted on it.

    Also at this time, the bundespolizei and Interpol investigation into the neo-Nazi group’s illegal street racing and hacking activity comes to a critical head. The special law enforcement teams decide to send a race-equiped team of special operative police into the field in souped-up black Mercedes with tinted windows to pursue Wolfgang and Jace. It is revealed that the police groups at one point believed Jace to be an accomplice of Wolfgang and the neo-Nazis. But they have since learned the truth about Jace and secretly have been using him as an informant the entire time after it is revealed that Beans is actually an undercover CIA operative working with the German bundespolizei and Interpol.

    Jace outraces Wolfgang despite the latter’s superior equipment, thereby delivering him into the hands of Beans, whose real name is Agent Johnson, and the special operative police force team. Jace then enters a tunnel and has a moment of privacy with Eva, during which he reveals his true feelings to her. She reveals that she has in fact never been a neo-Nazi but is an investigative journalist that was working on a story about the neo-Nazi street racing hacker group and is totally not a Nazi. They kiss.

    Later on, there are lots of blurry flashing lights in the background and miscellaneously-placed police tape around the scene where Jace brought the souped-up Audi that he stole from Wolfgang to rest in order to kiss Eva. Beans reveals to Jace that Blaze is doing much better thanks to an emergency Congressional meeting that approved compassionate use of a new stem cell product that the CIA had been working on. During the same Congressional meeting, the Affordable Care Act was upheld, which meant that Blaze’s ICU stay would be protected under the twins’ parents’ insurance.

    Credits roll. German punk music plays in the background. After the credits, Jace and Blaze happily race souped-up Porsche’s along the same street in Long Beach from the opening scene.

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  2. The new series of Doctor Who isn’t bad so far. Pity Capaldi’s leaving just when he and the writers started agreeing about the character.

    The new series of Top Gear isn’t bad either, back to the original formula – Three Men And A Stig, with a Brit on the couch for a long interview segment, a race through somewhere weird, and a supercar.

    But mostly, the long summer has turned to autumn, portents of the winter chill are in the air, and that can only mean one thing – Aussie Rules Football!

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      • That’s kind of what I was getting at – early on everyone, especially the writers, were overly concerned with making him not-Matt-Smith (combined with regeneratuon PTSD), and with keeping Clara at one more.arm’s length than the 0 of the previous season – he came across as cold and unsympathetic because he was.

        Plus there were some awful scripts that no one could have saved.

        But this past season, when they started figuring out why he was so abrasive and started growing him… When he surprised Clara and the Master by riding into a room on a tank while playing an electric guitar. Then he started growing into the character.

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  3. Stayed up all night rereading Too Like the Lightning and then started in on Seven Surrenders.

    Many of you would either love or hate these books but I’m pretty sure not many of you would mildly enjoy them.

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  4. I just finished Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby, who has yet to write something I won’t read. As a fan of XTC, this novel cut a bit too close to home, with its wry portrayal of a fan of a musician who hasn’t recorded in decades.

    Mrs. Slade and I are enjoying The Crown on Netflix. I watch each episode incredulous that the Brits put up with such an anachronistic institution as the monarchy.

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  5. What I remember about watching Guardians of the Galaxy is thinking, “this is Slither”. I don’t know if James Gunn has a second movie in him. I know, people like their big-budget superhero sequels to be identical to the original, but even so, this might not be as big a hit as people expect.

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