A Meathead Watches Gilmore Girls (“Pilot” and “The Lorelais First Day At Chilton”)

At the very outset, I must acknowledge the following: many of the women in my life consider Gilmore Girls to be among the greatest television shows ever created. These women – including my wife and numerous lifelong friends – share a passionate dedication to the show and its characters. I have heard for years about the…

The “Doc Of The Dead” Is Not Very Good; Also, Go Upstairs Dammit

The Doc Of The Dead is a documentary about zombies and zombie culture. If you think that second thing sounds interesting, maybe this movie is for you. If the notion of zombie culture makes you want to crawl out of your skin and melt on a sidewalk, I’ve got some perhaps unsurprising news for you:…

Free Speech Is Dead, Donald Sterling Edition

First, it was Brendan Eich, a heroic American whose only alleged transgression was lending financial support to a political movement explicitly predicated on the idea that gays were a threat to the safety and well-being of children. Second, it was Condoleeza Rice, a heroic American whose only alleged transgression was serving in a ruinous presidential…

Marriage For Thee, Stairwell Makeout Sessions For Me

You can tell Vance McAllister cares about traditional values: Born and raised in West Carroll Parish, Vance was taught at a young age the importance of faith, family, and hard work. Vance and his wife Kelly have been married for sixteen years. They live in Monroe with their five children and are members of North…

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I Hate Olives (Meandering About Relativism, Preference, and Critique)

One of the stranger responses I get whenever I profess my own shrugging relativism is a snickering, “Oh, but that can’t possibly be true. You like things!” I think I’m meant to realize that literally liking anything precludes relativism. And recently, I have been introduced to this claim’s cousin: meaningful criticism is not possible within…

How To: Provide A Sample (In 15 Short Steps!)

This is a trigger warning. Human bodies are gross. If that’s is a problem, can I recommend looking elsewhere on the site? Seven weeks ago, I got a vasectomy. On Tuesday, I had to provide the sample that ended up proving my sterility. This is how that went: 1. After you get a vasectomy, the…

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How To: Get A Vasectomy

Last month, my wife and I welcomed our third and final child into the world. Our new daughter is everything a baby is supposed to be. This is good for a variety of reasons, including how difficult actually having this third child proved to be. We are not religious people, so she’s whatever the please-leave-us-alone-about-religion…

A Slower Version of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” Has Me Revving It In Neutral

I’ll tell you without a hint of shame that Dolly Parton is one of America’s great singers and I’ll brook no disagreement. Yes, yes, we can have our bombastic, over-the-top warblers, but there’s something about Parton’s style that has always had my attention. One of my favorite musical memories involves driving north through New York…

A Hip-Hop Playlist, Briefly

(The songs below contain bad language. If such things aren’t appropriate where you are right now, then listening to them at maximum volume is probably not a good idea.) I am 32 now, almost 33, so frankly, whatever little I’d once been willing to invest in the outward appearance of cool is now going toward…

James Taranto, Louis C.K., and The Brand New War On Men

James Taranto is angry. Lt. General Susan Helms has had her promotion held up by Missouri’s recently re-elected Senator Claire McCaskill. Taranto doesn’t like this; he views it as a salvo in what he’s describing as a “War On Men.” Let’s do the details first. In 2012, Helms granted clemency to Matthew Herrera, an Air…

Friday Afternoon Jukebox: Scarface Edition

I went ahead and solved that Thursday Night Fight y’all we’re having. It’s Giorgio Moroder’s “Push It To The Limit”. I frankly can’t think of another song that more accurately what it is that we do here. Especially the tiger-tied-to-a-tree-part there at the end of the video. Nothing screams “Ordinary Gentleman!” louder than a tiger-tied-to-a-tree.

…Because Getting Off Is Fun

The esteemed Kyle Cupp was written a beautifully thoughtful essay in which he puzzles over the Catholic Church’s insistence that certain kinds of sex are necessarily injurious. First he writes: I’ve asked Catholics who write knowledgeably about human sexuality to explain to me the specific, concrete ways in which contraceptive and same-sex acts injure solidarity…

How To: Cook A Ramp Slurry

From mid-April to mid-May, the most glorious of the onion family grows on the wet hillsides of West Virginia (and several other, lesser states): ramps. Ramps are a delicacy that aren’t for everyone. Those steering clear include weaklings, children, cowards, the gutless, and other assorted weenies who can’t deal with this wild onion’s particular potency.…

Friday Jukebox: Danger Mouse, the Great and Mighty

Both of my parents got their undergraduate degrees in musical performance. My father got his PhD in music history. My wife was in the marching band in high school. My daughter has cycled through piano (she was good), clarinet (she was good), and now, percussion (she’s getting better). I, meanwhile, have never managed to show…