Esoteric Nerd Humor

by boegiboe on October 11, 2011

I think I’m really funny. I try to hide this fact most of the time, because I’ve learned that most of the rest of the world disagrees with me. However, now that I am a part of a blog team, I’ve realized that if I subject the readership to my humor, the negative conditioning signals, such as weird looks or rolling eyes, or stunned silence, will be invisible to me. Especially if I don’t read the comments…

The gottfried (Go) is the SI unit of annoyingness.

Exposure to one Go of annoyingness will cause the average adult human’s blood pressure to rise 1 pascal per second. Since “jerk” is the time derivative of acceleration, dimensional analysis tells us that annoyingness is equivalent to mass times jerks per unit area, which is nicely intuitive. Exposure to 500 Go for one minute is generally fatal to most people. OSHA regulations set a maximum of 300 mGo for most workplaces, but that limit is waived for all Federal workers (except OSHA inspectors) and air travelers.

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The Tale of Böegiböe

by boegiboe on October 8, 2011

The following story is from The Goblin Companion, by Brian Froud and Terry Jones. I read it at our wedding in Ontario in 2003.

Böegiböe travelled over the High Hills. He carried his staff in one hand and in the other hand he carried nothing.
“Where are you going so wild and free, Böegiböe?” asked Aksark the Gypsy.
“I am going to fill my other hand,” replied Böegiböe.
“I can tell you where you can find fennel flowers and willow herbs, forget-me-do’s and baby’s beard, plants to make you well, plants to make you sleep, plants to heal the wounds of your mind. Those will fill your other hand.”
“No,” said Böegiböe. “That’s not good enough for me.” And he went on his way.
Some time later he came to the Great Howling Gulf, and beside the Great Howling Gulf he came across Lod the Conjurer.
“Böegiböe!” cried Lod the Conjurer. “Where are you going so free and fast?”
“I am going to fill my other hand,” replied Böegiböe.
“Stay here with me,” said Lod the Conjurer, “and I will give you dice and cards, disappearing rabbits and magic snakes, multiplying handkerchieves and clever hoops—they’ll fill your other hand.”
“No,” said Böegiböe. “That’s not good enough for me.” And he went on his way.
Some time later he came to the goblin castle that stands by the rich red lake. And there he met Haza, the fat maid, who is forever carried about by her servant.
“Böegiböe!” cried Haza. “Where are you going so free and furious?”
“I am going to fill my other hand,” replied Böegiböe.
“Stay here with me,” replied Haza, “and I will give you rubies and riches, gold and silver, pearls and amethysts, pleasures and purchases…. They’ll fill your other hand for you.”
“No,” said Böegiböe. “That’s not good enough for me.” And he turned to go, but as he did so, he heard a splash followed by a crash, and there was Alger Öt struggling in the castle moat.
“Help!” cried Alger Öt. “I can’t swim!”
Böegiböe rushed down to the moatside and stretched out his hand. Alger Öt grabbed it just as he was about to sink for the third time, and Böegiböe pulled him to safety. Then a crowd gathered around them and told Alger Öt that Lætherlêggs the Lofty had been hit by an Amåm Pherrüginüs and was now Lætherlêggs the Löw. Then they all cheered and Alger Öt shook Böegiböe by the hand, and as he did so, Böegiböe looked down at his hand and said: “That’s good enough for me,” and Böegiböe and Alger Öt became friends for the rest of their lives. As I say, goblins like pointless stories.

I’ve copied the story in its entirety because anyone who has children or who has ever been a child should already own the source book, and so I’m only pointing out something that is already laying under a soft layer of dust in your basement or on your bookshelf. If you don’t own it, go buy it. If the authors or publishers happen to notice and think they will lose more than they will gain by this posting, they may let me know and I’ll take it down.

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Introduction

by boegiboe on October 7, 2011

Hi folks!

This introductory post marks the first time I am a member of a blog; I thank you for the opportunity. I’ll be writing here under my usual commenter name “boegiboe,” but I’ll shed any anonymity; my name is Scott Starin, and I’m Jason Kuznicki’s husband and a long time blogosphere addict. In my professional life, I’m an aerospace engineer with a specialty in spacecraft dynamics and control. I work at NASA, but of course I won’t be speaking for NASA or the Federal Government in any way on this blog. Given that I probably won’t be writing here about anything I’m even remotely qualified to discuss, there’s no reason for you to expect you’ll find reading my stuff enjoyable or thought-provoking. But then, there’s no reason that the Moon subtends almost exactly the same angle in the sky as the Sun.

Beautiful things can arise from chaos.

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Utopia’s Natives

by Jason Kuznicki on August 1, 2011

[I]t being my intention to write a thing which shall be useful to him who apprehends it, it appears to me more appropriate to follow up the real truth of a matter than the imagination of it; for many have pictured republics and principalities which in fact have never been known or seen, because how one lives is so far distant from how one ought to live, that he who neglects what is done for what ought to be done, sooner effects his ruin than his preservation; for a man who wishes to act entirely up to his professions of virtue soon meets with what destroys him among so much that is evil. — Machiavelli

If you found yourself in Utopia, would you know it? How long do you think it would take before the recognition dawned? By what signs or tokens would you recognize it? What if the streets weren’t paved with gold?

What about Utopia’s natives? Would they know better than you? Or would you gain something from an outsider’s perspective? Would you go around saying “This is Utopia” while they laughed behind their gold-embroidered sleeves, convinced that their homeland, while fortunate, certainly couldn’t be the best? Or would they believe, correctly, that it really was Utopia — and would you disagree — and who would do the laughing then?

Even in Utopia, there might remain insoluble problems — problems not answered by any application of the political arts, or even by any social technology. Or by any virtuous act of will. A society could have optimized all three, and yet problems could remain.

Indeed, they would remain. The nature of man is to have unfulfilled desires. Is it not? Would Utopia not be populated by humans? Could it only be populated by gods? If there are humans in Utopia, then which desires go unfulfilled? To posit a New Man for the New Society is to beg the question. Would the New Man not need… anything? Would he still be a man?

It is one thing to have many of one’s desires fulfilled. It is another thing not to desire in the first place. (Would a place without desires be Nirvana rather than Utopia?)

It is a third, clearly impossible thing, beyond having no desires, beyond having most of one’s desires fulfilled, to have all of one’s desires fulfilled. In Utopia, does your stomach fill the moment it empties? But then how would you feel the exquisite and indeed pleasurable hunger that comes before an excellent meal? What if you desired that? Yes, we desire to desire. At least those of us who haven’t reached Nirvana.

Now imagine that you were set down in 99% Utopia. Would you know that it wasn’t Utopia? Would you know that the 1% of remaining difference represented a failure of politics, or technology, or will — and would you be able to differentiate these failures from the merely insoluble problems of human desiring?

These are silly questions. Their point is not that we might live in Utopia without knowing it. Nor is it that an ideality of politics, technology, or will is impossible. It is that we do not necessarily know what such an ideality would look like. And yet much political thought is premised on just the opposite.

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The Man Who Burned in the Fire

by Jason Kuznicki on June 18, 2011

After one of the lesser tales of Gilgamesh. Original here. [click to continue…]

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Values, Directions, Optimums

by Jason Kuznicki on June 3, 2011

First, some definitions.

  • A value is something on balance worth having, at least up to a point.
  • An optimum is the point where more of a value isn’t helpful. A pint full of ice cream is great. A house full of ice cream is a disaster. Optimums consider the relevant tradeoffs — not one value in isolation, but the interplay of competing values.
  • A direction is a change in the amount of the valued thing that we obtain.

Voters (and, in turn, politicians) are motivated by values, not by optimums, because voters are rarely inclined to ask where the optimum might lie. If they can be motivated to ask about optimums, they find a nearly intractable problem. If they offer a solution anyway, someone else will usually have a different solution. Political organization around a claimed optimum is difficult; political organization around a value is easy.

Organization around a value doesn’t produce consensus about an optimum. It usually just produces a direction. “More” or “less” — i.e., “we should move in this direction” — seem to contain implicit optimum claims, but they don’t. As a result, we always need more spending on education. We always need more spending on defense. We always need more spending on the War on Drugs. And so forth.

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Blog mode d’emploi

by Jason Kuznicki on June 2, 2011

Why did you start a personal blog?

I came to feel increasingly “on stage” at the League. It’s a performance, and I play a role. I hope to step out of that role a bit.

How will you do that?

One way is to write with varying levels of authority. Anything you see in the “Speculations” category is just that — a speculation. I don’t stand by it at all. I wrote it because I found it funny, or intriguing, or absurd, or beautiful, or even ugly. Not necessarily because I found it true.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you’ll find “Foundations.” These are things I believe profoundly.

In between are other categories, each with an intermediate level of authority. How much do I believe them? If you’re in doubt, ask me. (One category, “Fiction,” occupies a different dimension altogether. Truer than truth, but totally made up.)

What is the relationship between items posted here and those you have posted elsewhere?

Neurophilosophical answer: What is the relationship between the contents of any one part of your mind and the contents of any other part?

Legal answer: The views expressed here are solely my own, if that. They are not representative of my employer.

Will you write about public policy?

I will, but probably less than elsewhere. I’ll also likely repost some old things that aren’t on the web anymore but deserve to be.

I don’t understand this post!

Not all posts at this blog will be understandable to everyone.

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